Waiting requires patience, bravery, and self-control, and all are not easily mastered throughout life’s defeats, relationships’ disappointments, and the inability to forge goals out of the fragments of our dreams. While the possibilities are laid before you in the horizon with open arms, other arms tend to drag you down or pull you away from behind. The arms of fear, anxiety, and stress; they all cling to your skin, deterring you from pursuing the version of life you believe you are destined to have, the life that you deserve; discouraging you from being your real self, from being who you are destined to be.
There comes a moment in one’s life when it is inevitable to pause and ask: when did I arrive at this point where my pursuits are so distant, my dreams are too blurry, and my real self is struggling for a breath of fresh air from the bed of the deepest ocean? This moment of mental breakdown, or spiritual awakening as many psychologists and social workers like to call it, when you realize that your values and principles were not yours and your dreams were not yours either, and the slightest layer of dust fogged them all away and buried them in a faraway desert where no one would even care to look. But no values, principles, or dreams are found in the depth of deserts, or at the top of the highest mountains. The only place you can dig for those is within your soul, within your heart, within the very core of you that you have perpetually ignored that you can no longer identify it even in direct daylight.
The journey of finding your values, principle, and, consequently, your dreams is the only thing your life should be all about. But some fail to conclude that they all preceded finding one’s true self. The digging that we do in itself teaches us more about ourselves, forcing us to retrospect it all; the past, the present, and the future. Even breaking down, being paralyzed, not moving, and sobbing has become a luxury that our busy lives deprive us of having. While at it, the digging, your mind travels to the days when you were at your best, when you reflected the best self you had from the many ones concealed inside of your one fragile body. You simultaneously contemplate and condemn how utterly naive you have been for wasting so much time minding trivial things in life, reckoning they mattered while turning a blind eye to the things that mattered most to you. You start weighing the heaviness you are carrying with you, that you did not know it was there, blocking a whole new level of beauty, making you miss a lot out of your life.
Surviving life’s ordeals is so stumpy and cruel that one’s heart can no longer identify itself and can no longer speak its own tongue. Being sucked into this cycle of loath could lead to the heaviness that no human can endure, the Loaded Lungs. When it comes to emotions, we tend to crystalize self-control and discipline over vulnerability and sensitivity. We are oblivious of how these very lungs of ours were made to breathe only clean and clear air, and any different one leads to coughing, breath shortness, and asthma. We become treacherous of our own basic need of air, and we take it all inside; the anger, the hatred, the resentment, the envy, the negativity, you name it. We never let go. We never heal ourselves. We are too treacherous to our own lungs that we no longer master the art of living, breathing.
The patience to contemplate, and the bravery to come forward, naked, in front of your own vulnerable self, is one of the hardest spheres of life. This vulnerable nakedness requires you to take off everything you thought is part of your atoms, molecules, and identity. You take off your religion, citizenship, societal constraints, traditions. You take off your shield and stare unapologetically at your scarred skin, at your turbid heart, and at your crowded brain, at your loaded lungs. Empty them. Clear the rubbish, the indifferences, the intruders.
All of this is only in the hope of coming to a closure with yourself that only you can construct its walls, brick by brick. Get back the bricks of your ambitions and dreams, but the ones you believe are sewed from the rawness of your raw self. You can unlearn the patterns, change your behavior, and show your true colors, because all your acts are pointless, whether good or evil, if you are not true to yourself. Stop runing from who you really are and have the courage to stand up for and embrace your self. You are the only master of your own mindset. Only you could have that power over yourself; to place and replace values and principles.
Only you could be the one creator, the narrator, and represent both parties of the treaty to be signed.
Live forever within the values and principles that you hold close to your heart with everyone around you and yourself. Act with kindness, from a place of wisdom, with no judgment, and a pile of compassion that could shower them for eternity. To walk away from any situation that belittles or humiliates you, or hinders your personal and mental growth. Start every morning with a prayer of gratitude for your lungs, heart, sight, and all the blessings you believe you have, and end the prayer with supplications to end the sufferings of the mentally and physically deprived, the lonely, the hungry, the poor, and the sick. Rest your head in your pillow at night with the assurance that you have done the best you can all day long, with no regrets, no marbles resting over your chest, loading your lungs with hatred or resentment.