If you think finding the one is easy, you have been misled. Numerous social studies claim that we are more likely to meet the one we will end-up marrying between the ages of 16 and 23-24. However, not everyone you meet along the way is the right person for you, especially if you have pre-set high-standards to be maintained and followed.
If you did not meet the one yet, met them but still unsure, already said yes to his shiny .85 carat diamond ring, or got on one knee and proposed a couple of weeks ago, please read on. Both men and women view marriage as a huge step, if not a leap, that needs to be wisely considered. Being romantically and emotionally involved with someone does require rationale involvement as well. Rationally, some topics need to be discussed and dived into before stepping into marriage. Let’s skim through them together.
Deciding on who will be paying for what will make your first couple of months of marriage less stressful. Scribbling down the responsibilities that each of you should handle is an easy task that takes courage to be done, like the rent, electricity, food, children in the future and etc. Also, do not ever hide any of your finances/properties from your significant other. You don’t want to realise that your partner had a cottage in some city that you never knew about.
2- Religion and Morals
We all understand that religion does not necessarily mean that its worshiper is a good human with high morals. That is why they both come together. You have to know first hand if your partner believes in God or not! then, you can talk about morals. But when comes to this point actually, talking is never enough. The best talker will be the person’s attitude and behaviour in everyday life. Spend quality time together and have fun, but be conscious to how he/she talks to other people, the taxi driver, the waiter, even the clerk at any place that you happen to step into. Spiritual connection is a cornerstone between married couples.
No romantic relationship is sex-free, although it could be the other way around. So, if you are both already romantically into each other, dig deeper into sex topics. Many couples start their physical activities together before getting married but in conservative social communities, especially in the middle east, this is mostly not possible. However, talking about expectations when it comes to bed is very important, as therapist studies show that most of the divorce cases they receive arise from uncommon physical and sexual activities. Most of the Middle Eastern countries prohibit discussing sex-related topics that they are now underestimated and are never discussed. So when it comes to sexuality, tolerance and acceptance mixed with an adventurous spirit will make it pleasurable.
Will you have kids immediately or wait? If you both agree on waiting, for how long? Who will pay for their schools and who will save money for their college? Also, discussing raising children together is a great plus. Even you both have different religious views and morals that you can tolerate, deciding your children should follow whose could be tricky. Ethics and social communication basis will come to the surface when raising children together and you have to be ready for this. Choosing potential favoured names is a cute gesture too 😉
Couples should accept the fact they will fight a lot, but what are the limits? No one wants any fight to the point of disrespectfulness, even if the relationship ended because of it, it should end respectfully. So, yes, discuss your attitude when you are angry together and be honest with your partner telling them exactly what to do in order not to provoke each other. Have you ever heard of the saying “Keep the fights clean, and the fights dirty”? You both should agree on not crossing the line even if you are very angry at each other, because the fight will pass, but unweighed words will probably hurt forever.
Everyone has little secrets that are better kept to ones’ self, but when you are in a relationship, you have to differentiate between hiding truths and privacy. Talk to your partner about their limits when it comes to this. For example, if you do not want your partner to hold your credit card PIN that is totally acceptable, and it should be discussed openly. Some will have guarded friends, and every individual will have a set of private areas that no one should intervene in.
Last but not least, you are getting married to stay together for years to come, but life should not stop because of marriage. Many couples choose to pursue their dream careers, follow up with their travelling list, continue masters/PhD, and start a new business while they are married. Discuss these potential future plans with each other and be honest about what you want to do with your future. A supportive and a loving partner will never hinder the other from developing themselves, on the contrary, your partner should be proud and one of your biggest fans.